A Little More Social by Nicholas Epley
I just finished reading “A Little More Social” by psychologist Nicholas Epley. I first heard about the book in an interview with Nick Epley on the Huberman Podcast. I really enjoyed the book. The main premise of the book is that even though there are lots of benefits of living a more social life on our happiness and health, we tend to avoid moments to connect with strangers, colleagues and friends and family.
Nick Epley outlines that our hesitation to get in touch and start a conversation is based in the uncertainty of the reaction of the other person and that we often think they won't enjoy the conversation. His research revealed that when strangers are paired up to have a conversation, a significant amount expects the conversation to be awkward and not enjoyable. However, after actually having had the conversation a lot of the participants rated the conversation as less awkward and more enjoyable. In summary, having random conversation often turn out to be more enjoyable and less awkward than expected.
All of us can make more choices to engage more with one another. Choosing thankfulness, kindness and honesty can enable us to make the choice to connect.
There are quite a few gems and quotes from the book I enjoyed:
Approaching other people and acting more extroverted correlates with increased happiness, regardless where you are on the introvert-extrovert spectrum.
“We tend to underestimate how positively the social interactions that enhance our well-being are going to turn out.”
“Avoiding truly unpleasant interactions makes you wise, but avoiding pleasant interaction out of mistaken fear is foolish.”
“If you’d like people to smile at you, smile at them first. If you’d like someone talk with you, try talking to them first.”
“We evaluate ourselves on our competence. We evaluate others on their warmth.”
“Additional sprinkles of sociality aren’t just uplifting for you; they are also uplifting for the people you reach out to. “
“Your life is unique and the opportunities you have to be a little more social are also unique. Once you start seeking them out, I think you will find opportunities you’re passing up fairly quickly.”
“When researchers studied what differentiates happy from not-so-happy people, they found that unhappy people tend to compare themselves with other people, whereas happy people tend to compare themselves with their past. “
“How much brighter would your days be if you realised the power you have to lift people up and make their day, rather than thinking that your kindness is weak? How much better would your life be if you acted on your generous impulses instead of letting mistaken beliefs hold you back? How much better would your days be of kept an eye out for opportunities to make someone else’s day a little better?
“Fearing the worst in others means never giving yourself the chance to learn what others are like at their best. “
It’s a fantastic read if you were ever curious about what is stopping you from connecting with others and to over come these barriers. I can highly recommend the book. Please let me know if you’d like to borrow it. Now stop reading and reach out to someone you haven’t talked with in a while :) Have a wonderful day ☀️
